


Missed Opportunities

by ItalianDoll



Category: Barisi - Fandom, Law and Order SVU - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, M/M, bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 04:15:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17974313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItalianDoll/pseuds/ItalianDoll
Summary: Sonny sees Rafael outside the Courthouse and is shook. Feelings come to the surface.





	Missed Opportunities

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy. Mistakes are my own.

Rafael hurried down the Courthouse steps, manila envelope in tow. He walked quickly to what used to be his favorite coffee cart and ordered himself his favorite beverage, extra large.

Carisi and Stone exited the Courthouse and stopped at the top of the steps. The cold winter wind whipped around them. Sonny glanced over to the coffee cart and squinted at the man taking his cup from the vendor and walking away quickly. Holy crap! That’s Barba. Carisi knew if he ran after Barba that Stone would see and question where he was headed.

Stone mumbled something about getting a drink and Carisi said “I uh, forgot my scarf, I’m going to head back to the precinct to get it.”

“I’ll come with and then we can head to the bar.”

“What? No, I can’t. I have to stop at my sister’s tonight.”

“Okay buddy” Stone replied, tapping Carisi on the back. “Rain check?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

**************************

Carisi walked back to the precinct, head spinning. That was definitely Barba he saw getting coffee. He looked different, sporting a trimmed beard and a less conservative haircut. But there was no mistaking that it was Barba, and he looked terrific. Carisi’s stomach was flipping. He was sweating. Seeing Barba had him shook.

It had been, what, a year or so since he last saw him. A year. A year of pining and being upset with himself for...for what? For not acting on his raging crush on Barba, for not keeping in touch? For missed opportunities, that’s what. 

Carisi rushed through the door of the precinct, nearly decking a pregnant Rollins. 

“Whoa, hey. You okay ‘Manda?”

“Yeah, where’re you rushing to?”

“I, uh, forgot my scarf, gonna run and get it.”

“Well slow down will ya, before you hurt someone.”

Carisi went to his desk and sat. Lui and Fin were gone for the night, thankfully. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He stood and walked a circle around the room, pulling his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his contacts, finding Barba’s information. He typed a text:

Carisi: Hi. I think I saw you at the coffee cart outside the Courthouse about 30 minutes ago.

Barba: You think or you know? Also, who’s this?

Carisi: It’s me, Carisi. And, yeah I know I saw you. You interrogating me?

Barba: Hello Detective. Did you need something?

Carisi: I was wondering, well I was surprised to see you, let alone outside the Courthouse.

Barba: Even though I’m no longer an ADA I AM allowed in the Courthouse Detective.

Carisi: What? Well yeah, I get it. Hey um, can I call you?

Carisi can’t believe he typed that. What if he says no? Then what? He sees “…“ on his phone, but no text comes through. He sees them again and still no text. His hand is on the back of his neck, eyes staring at the phone. 

Barba is in his kitchen, panicking. He pressed his thumb and index finger to the bridge of his nose, hoping to relieve the growing tension he’s feeling.

Carisi’s phone rang and he nearly jumped on the desk, almost tripping. 

Carisi: Hey  
Barba: Hi. Thought I’d call you. What’s up?  
C: Uh yeah so I saw you  
B: So you said. I had to pick up some paperwork for my Mami’s school.   
C: That’s nice. But, you didn’t have to tell me.  
B: Right, because you didn’t ask.  
Silence on the line

C: Do you have plans? (Sonny pinching his thigh) (I’m an idiot he thinks)  
B: Plans? For when? Of course I have plans.  
C: Right now? Are you busy?  
B: Um, well not really.  
C: Can I come over?  
B: What? You’re awfully forward aren’t you Detective? Can I call? Am I busy? Can you come over?  
C: Well can I?  
B: Sure  
C: Great. On my way.

Rafael looked at his phone. What just happened? Carisi is on his way over. They haven’t see each other in a year. Why did he say yes? Because he wants to see Carisi, that’s why. Carisi with salt and pepper hair, full of so much product, almost shellacked. His eyes so blue, lips rose pink. Long and lean, but muscular and strong. Stop. He can’t allow himself to go there. They’ll catch up, discuss cursory subjects and that will be that. 

Sonny isn’t thinking. He’s moving. In Uber, out of Uber. Standing in front of Rafael’s building. Walking in.

Anthony, the doorman, greets him. “Detective Carisi, nice to see you. Mr. Barba said for you to go straight up.”

Sonny walks to Rafael’s door and knocks twice. Raf opens the door.

“Detective. Come in. Nice to see you.”

“You can call me Sonny, you know. Nice to see you too.”

“Well, Sonny, would you like a drink?”

“Yeah, I’ll have Scotch, if that’s what you’re having.”

“I am. Can’t say I remember you drinking Scotch.”

“Well, I’ve picked it up.”

“Okay then” Raf replies sensing something off about Sonny’s response.

Raf watches Sonny remove his overcoat and scarf, placing them on the chair by the door. He places his suit coat there as well, revealing his shirt sleeves folded up past his elbows, just as he remembers. Sonny looks good, no, great. Bit grayer, but who isn’t, Raf reflects.

They carry their drinks to the living area, where the television is playing an old movie, sound muted, and they sit on the couch, facing each other.

“So” Raf says, charging right in nervously. “Guess you know what I’ve been doing.”

“Actually, I don’t. I haven’t asked the Lui about it; I sensed it was a sore subject when I asked once. My Ma didn’t raise no dummy. I’m not risking my head getting bitten off twice.”

They laugh. “Smart move, Detect, ah Sonny. Liv and I are back to, I can’t say normal, but we are good and I see her and Noah frequently.”

Raf sips, then begins. “I went to Florida, stayed with family, after everything. I needed the break. I was there for a few weeks and then went to Boston for a week or so, meeting up with old friends from college and law school. I came back to New York and through a connection got an interview at NYU where I’m now teaching.”

“You like it?” Sonny asked.

“I do. It’s very different, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss being an ADA. So. How’re things with you?”

“Ah, okay. Basically the same. Cases are rough. Rollins is pregnant and Fin is still Fin.”

“Liv told me about Rollins. I hope she’s happy.”

Sonny shook his head, “I hope so too.”

They sat in silence for a while, until Raf asked if Sonny wanted a refill. Raf filled their glasses and sat back down.

“I have to tell you Sonny, I’m surprised that you asked to come over.”

Sonny’s head in low, then he looks up at Rafael. After you left I wanted to reach out, but I guess I didn’t know if…”

“It’s alright Sonny. I understand you were probably angry with me, for what I did.”

“What!? No. I wasn’t mad. I respect you so much. I understand you did what you thought was right. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, you know, at the trial, and after. I wasn’t a good friend.”

“It’s okay Sonny. I appreciate your saying that. We’re good.” Rafael’s heart was aching looking at Sonny.

“See, that’s the thing Rafael. I don’t want us to be good. I want more, with you.”

“Sonny I’m”

“Please let me finish Rafael. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. I knew it, heck I think everyone knew it. I didn’t want to risk our cases, with a relationship, even though we could have disclosed. I wasn’t sure you hated me and wanted Liv. But slowly I felt the attraction was mutual and I thought and hoped that we’d have time to explore and go slowly. I thought I had time, that we had time. And then…“I want you. I’ve wanted you for a long time. It hit me like a ton of bricks seeing you today. I want your snark, your sarcasm. I think you want me too.”

“Sonny, I’m flattered. Truly I am. But, I’m a lot older than you. I’m set in my ways and I can’t give you what you want.”

“Do you know what I want? Have you asked me? Have we discussed it? No, we haven’t. Is there someone in your life? Are you seeing anyone?”

“Well, no. But…”

Sonny grabbed both Rafael’s hands. “Please look at me Rafael?” Rafael looked at Sonny, blue eyes, filled with tears. “You hide yourself, afraid to want, to need, to open yourself up, to take a chance. I want to make up for lost time. If you don’t want to try, to take a chance on us, to open yourself to the possibility of happiness, with me, say it. I’ll leave now and I won’t contact you.”

Rafael sat silently, stunned. He was scared and trembling. He couldn’t talk.

Sonny stood. Looked at Rafael and shook his head. He walked toward the door, slowly. He put his suit jacket on, then reached for his overcoat.

Rafael was screaming internally. “Say something! Stop him! This is your chance.”

Rafael stood. “I want to try, with you, Sonny.”

Sonny cleared the space between them in three seconds. He stopped in front of Rafael and put his hands on his face, pulling him in for a kiss. Slow and gently at first, then passionately as lips and tongues collided. 

When they needed to catch their breath, they pulled apart slowly, Sonny’s hands on Rafael’s hips and Rafael’s around Sonny’s neck. 

“Sonny. When did you start drinking Scotch?”

“Right after you left. Drinking it made me feel close to you somehow.”

“Do you want a beer?”

“God yes” Sonny moaned “not right now, though. I just want you.”

“You have me.”


End file.
